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When I left the CA Bay area last spring to move to Sedona, it was based on a loud and urgent splenic go! I could sense things were done, expired, no longer healthy for me there.
In my flight, I completely dumped any part of my identity that was related to doing / achieving / anything “business-y” because - well, she clearly had not served me well. If I were to give this part of me a name, it would be “Buzzy V” - the version of me that got up at 6:30 to hit the squat rack, grab a coffee, head to work to influence stakeholders with my compelling, data-driven narrative about how to 10x the company, and then finish emails at home until 8 or 9pm. Buzzy V lived in San Francisco and led the kind of life that had an adrenalized, constantly-pushing-to-keep-up feel.
I was glad to leave her in San Francisco. As much as I loved SF (an actual shore! Top-notch access to seasonal, local produce for my taste cognition and determination), it also felt like the crime scene of my third line experiments.
But recently, between Thanksgiving and Solstice, I returned to California for almost a month and had a fascinating experience of reacquainting myself with parts of my old identity that actually are me.
After almost nine months of lots of quiet, space, nature, and shedding / deconditioning in the womb-like energy of Sedona, I was surprised to arrive in the Bay and feel - oh, I like parts of this energy.
Walking around the city, seeing my old bike route, feeling the quality of sacral and ego energy from people as this current version of myself (less tangled up old conditioning, more rooted in what my own energy feels like), I distinctly felt what was not me (ie - a proving energy, a drive for external validation), and what was - an abundance of ideas and creative flow and passion for making a difference in the world.
Being back in the physical location of where this old identity lived, I felt a fire reignited. A fire that I mistakenly cast aside like a hot potato earlier because I wasn’t ready or able to see what was healthy and true enough to keep.
And as I sat in awe, remembrance, and humor - oh yeah, I guess I am parts of this Buzzy V - I realized that for the undefined G, at least in my experience, location holds identity.
For the undefined self/G, identity isn’t consistently within you. We’re constantly discovering more of who we are. And the reverse is true as well: we can learn about who we are from the environment. The external can remind us of who we’ve forgotten.
For the defined G - the flow is flipped. Your innate sense of self feels like it wants to express out into the world. When location doesn’t match your identity, it can be painful.
A couple examples of defined Gs:
- You really want to move, but don’t know where yet. You’re living in a temporary spot that you don’t love, that doesn’t feel like home. Instead, you’re somewhere they doesn’t feel like you, in the in-between, which can cause dissonance and not-self feelings (frustration, bitterness, etc).
- You broke up with your partner, they moved out, and now you’re still living in the same place - but as a different self. It feels critical to purge old belongings that express that past version of you, because the gap between who you are and location is uncomfortable (and so obvious to you).
For now, I’m back in Sedona, integrating these recently rediscovered parts of self.
How about you? Do you feel a connection between your identity + location? Feel free to reach out for a 1:1 session if you are looking for guidance.
